One of the best lectures I have heard since a long time. MashAllah
All in all it’s a good lecture mashAllah. Just have some reservations with the quote of Ali (RA):
النكاح لزوم مهر ثم سرور شهر ثم غموم دهر ثم كسور ظهر ثم نزول قبر
If anyone has a reference for the quote please do share. Jazak Allahu khairan.
جراحات السنان لها إلتئام…و لا يلتئم ما جرح اللسان
Wounds caused by spears may heal… But those caused by tongues will not.
Here are the five keys to get her and her parents to say yes to you: 1.Money 2.Your goals 3.Your personality 4.Your credibility 5.Your independence Now let’s repeat that again: 1.Money 2.Your goals 3.Your personality 4.Your credibility 5.Your independence
4. Credibility Your credibility. And that includes your social and communal credibility. Which means if people will ask your relatives and ask your family about you. When they receive a positive answer it makes them feel confident that you can really handle the affairs of a family and a wife. Your credibility among your peers. I remember a teacher telling me this saying “Tell me who your friends are and I can tell you who you are.” Which means show me five of your best friends and I can tell who you are. So if now people would ask your friends about you. Do you expect them to say yes to you, or no? This also includes your religious credibility. How much are you involved in the Muslim community? How often do you go to the Masjid? Does the Imam know you? I remember when my wifes family without my knowledge came to my city to inquire about me right after I proposed. Obviously I didn’t know they were doing this but they came to the Imam of my masjid and asked about me and he told them that if he had another daughter he would marry her to me. I’m not saying this to brag or boast but i am mentioning it because it left a huge impact on my to be father in law. The people at the masjid, do they know you or not? can they attest for you. Parents would like to feel confident and comfortable that the person who is proposing to their daughter is not only religious enough to know his religious duties towards his wife and towards his family but the people in the masjid and his community can vouch and verify that he has good credibilty.
5. Independence Your Independence. You need to show them that you are in need of getting married but not necessarily that you are desperate to get married. You need to show that your life goes on with or without marriage and that your goals and life focus will not be hindered in anyway. For some reason our nature is we love to have what we cannot get. So if a family says no to you, you need to show some sort of independence and confidence, that doesn’t mean that you have to just walk out and that’s it, its over. You can still get back again, but not showing any kind of unconfident or desperate position. The independence that you need to show is that you really depend on Allah Subhana-wa-Tallah on all things and all affairs. Specifically they ask the subject of rizq, after taking all the means and the measures to secure that rizq.
Wasalamu alaikum Atiq Nakrawala & Yaser Birjas http://www.practimate.com
When you think of your future spouse, what is the most important
quality you will be looking for?
For most Muslims, they always look for someone who is more
religious than they are. Why? Because they want them to help them
get into Al-Jannah Inshallah, which is something very normal and so
than they are in terms of religion and spirituality, this individual will
also be looking to someone who is higher than you.
than you are, at a higher level of spirituality, what do you expect this
Because you need to realize, are you attractive to the
person you want to attract yourself? Meaning, would you marry you?
attracted to them?
when it comes to external features such as beauty, certain body shapes
and so on.
nor religion will turn ugly as your relationship of marriage continues.
So try to be balanced in your search and if you see a sister that you
are attracted to but she is not drop dead gorgeous and her religion is
good, go for it and you won’t be disappointed inshallah.
4. Our final mistake is failing to communicate with your parents
about your marriage
This can come in two forms:
1) Not knowing how to communicate completely with your parents.
You don’t know how to talk to them about marriage
2) Delegating everything to your parents because you don’t even know
how to handle the subject of marriage.
On one occasion, a young man came and complained that his
parents are not cooperating with him and they are not really
listening to what he says about his marriage.
So he wanted to have some sort of endorsement to let
him just go through, without the approval of his parents.
them feel comfortable, understanding what exactly he is trying to aim to
in his pursuit for marriage. When it comes to families, parents come from
different backgrounds and each background and culture has a different
way to communicate. Some of them are conservatives, some are moderate,
and some of them are liberal.
a) Never try to enforce something on to your parents. Don’t
bring a girl that you have already been communicating with for 2
years or generally speaking you know the girls your parents will like
matters. Sometimes its hard but try. Tell your mom to help you find a
suitable wife and be part of the process.
has different hot buttons and soft buttons. So learn and master them.
So guys, try to keep your parents always involved. It will save you
time, effort and headaches in the end.
Atiq Nakrawala & Yaser Birjas
PRACTIMATE, 17304 Maurice Avenue, Cerritos, CA 90703, USA