If only WE understood this hadeeth properly..

The prophet صلى الله عليه و سلم said:
“If a woman prays her five (daily prayers), fasts her month (Ramadaan), guards her chastity and obeys her husband, it will be said to her: Enter Paradise by whichever of the gates of Paradise you wish.”

Narrated by Ahmad (1664) and others; classed as hasan by al-Albaani because of another report in Saheeh al-Targheeb, as stated by al-Arna’oot in Takhreej al-Musnad.

I think if people really understood this hadeeth no one would want to be a man.

The more authority one is placed in the more accountability they will face

How Ibn Umar (RA) would open his fast some times

This may sound strange to some, hence please understand it in its proper context. Imam ibn Sirin (Allah have mercy on him) says that the Companion Sayyiduna Abdullah ibn Umar (Allah be pleased with him) would, at times, open his fast with sexual relations [with his wife]. (Related by Tabarani in his Mu’jam al-Kabir with a sound chain of transmission)

Imam Suyuti adds that this means he would engage in sexual intimacy even before eating, and possibly even before offering his Maghrib prayers. This may be so that he is satisfied and able to fully concentrate on his prayers. (Al-Wishah fi Fawa’id al-Nikah) Those married may want to – at least once – act upon this sunna of a Sahabi; but make sure not to delay maghrib for too long, since that is Makruh!!!

روى الطبراني في الكبير بسند حسنه الهيثمي في المجمع عن ابن سيرين قال: ربما أفطر ابن عمر على الجماع.

How to make your Husband happy ?

The following article is a summary of the book “How to Make Your Husband Happy” by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.

1. Beautiful Reception

After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you,

  • Begin with a good greeting.
  • Meet him with a cheerful face
  • Beautify and perfume yourself
  • Start with good news and delay any bad news until he has rested
  • Receive him with loving and yearning sentences
  • Make hard efforts for excellence of the food & having it ready on time.

2. Beautify and Soften the Voice

For your husband only, it shouldn’t be used in front of non-mahram men (men who can marry you if you were unmarried)

3. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification

  • Take good care of your body and fitness.
  • Put on nice and attractive clothes and perfumes.
  • Bathe regularly and, after the monthly period, remove any blood traces or bad smells.
  • Avoid that your husband observes you in dirty clothes or rough shape
  • Avoid prohibited types of ornamentation, e.g. tatoos
  • Use the types of perfumes, colors, and clothes that the husband likes
  • Change hair style, perfumes, etc. from time to time However with these things you should avoid excessiveness and, of course only act as such in front of mahrem men and women.

4. Intercourse

  • Hasten for intercourse when your husband feels compulsion for it.
  • Keep your body clean and smelling good as possible including cleaning yourself of released fluids during intercourse.
  • Exchange loving phrases with your husband.
  • Leave your husband to fully satisfy his desire.
  • Choose suitable times and good occasions for exciting your husband and encouraging him to do intercourse, e.g. after returning from a travel, weekends, etc.

5. Satisfaction With What Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aalaa) Has Allotted

  • You shouldn’t be depressed because your husband is poor or works in a simple job
  • You should look at poor, sick, and handicapped people and remember Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aalaa) for all that was given to you.
  • You should remember that real wealth lies in faith and piety.

6. Indifference to Worldly Things

  • You should not consider this world as your hope and interest.
  • You should not ask your husband for many unnecessary things.
  • Asceticism does not mean not to enjoy what is good and permissible (Halal), but it means that one should look forward to the Hereafter and utilize whatever Allah SWT gave them to achieve paradise (Al-Jannah).
  • Encourage your husband to reduce expenses and save some money in order to give charity and feed poor and needy people.

7. Appreciation

  • By the saying of the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam), the majority of people in Hell were women because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them.
  • The result of being grateful is that your husband will love you more and will do his best to please you in more ways
  • The result of being ungrateful is that your husband will be disappointed and will start asking himself: “Why should I do good to her, if she never appreciates?”

8. Devotion and Loyalty

  • In particular in times of calamities in your husband’s body or business e.g. an accident or a bankruptcy
  • Supporting him through your own work, money, and properties if needed.

9. Compliance to Him

  • In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited (Haram)
  • In Islam, the husband is the leader of the family, and the wife is his support and consultant.

10. Pleasing Him If He Is Angry

First off, try to avoid what will guarantee his anger. But if it happens that you can’t, then try to appease him as follows:

  • If you were mistaken, then apologize
  • If he was mistaken then:
    Keep still instead of arguing or
    Yield you right or
    Wait until he is no longer angry and discuss the matter peacefully with him.
  • If he was angry because of external reasons then:
    Keep silent until his anger goes
    Find excuses for him, e.g. tired, problems at work, someone insulted him
  • Do not ask many questions and insist on knowing what happened e.g.
    1) You should tell me what happened!
    2) I must know what made you so angry!
    3) You are hiding something, and I have the right to know!

11. Guardianship While He is Absent

  • Protect yourself from any prohibited relations
  • Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things that the husbands don’t like other people to know.
  • Take care of the house and children.
  • Take care of his money and properties
  • Do not go out of your house without his permission and put on full hijaab
  • Refuse people whom he does not like to come over
  • Do not allow any non-mahram man to be alone with you in any place
  • Be good with his parents and relatives in his absence

12. Showing Respect for his Family and Friends

  • You should welcome his guests and try to please them, especially his parents.
  • You should avoid problems as much as you can with his relatives.
  • You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose between his mother and his wife
  • Show good hospitality for his guests by arranging a nice place for them to sit in, perfection of food, welcoming their wives, etc.
  • Encourage him to visit his relatives and invite them to your home
  • Phone his parents and sisters, send letters to them, buy gifts for them, support them in calamities, etc…

13. Admirable Jealousy

  • Jealousy is a sign for wife’s love for her husband but it should be kept within the limits of Islam, e.g. not insulting or backbiting others disrespecting them, etc…
  • You should not follow or create unfounded doubts.

14. Patience and Emotional Support

  • Be patient when you face poverty and strained circumstances.
  • When you face calamities and disasters that may happen to you, your husband, his and your children, relatives or properties, e.g. diseases, accidents, death, etc.
  • When facing hardships in Da’wah (imprisonment, getting fired, arrested etc.
  • Be patient and encourage him to keep on the path of Allah and remind him of Paradise.
  • When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment.

15. Support in Obedience to Allah, Da’wah and Jihad

  • Cooperate with your husband and remind him of different obligatory and voluntary worships.
  • Encourage him to pray at night.
  • Listen and reciting the Qur’aan individually and with your husband.
  • Listen to Islamic tapes and songs individually and with your husband.
  • Remember Allah subhaanahu wa ta’aalaa, much, particularly after Fajr and before Maghrib.
  • Share in arranging Da’wah activities for women and children.
  • Learn Islamic rules (ahkaam) and good manners (‘adab) for women.
  • Support your husband’s activities by encouraging him, offering wise opinions, soothing his pains, etc.
  • Yielding some of your rights and a part of your time with your husband for Da’wah
  • Encourage him to go for Jihad when needed and remind him that you and children will be in the preservation of Allah, subhaanahu wa ta’aalaa.

16. Good Housekeeping

  • Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged
  • Change house arrangements from time to time to avoid boredom
  • Perfect food (preparation) and prepare healthy foods
  • Learn all the necessary skills for managing the house, e.g. sewing
  • Learn how to raise children properly and in an Islamic way.

17. Preservation of Finances and the Family

  • Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission unless you are sure that he agrees on this.
  • Protect his house, car, etc. while he is absent.
  • Keep the children in good shape, clean clothes, etc. Take care of their nutrition, health, education, manners, etc. Teach them Islam and tell them the stories of the Prophets and companions.

 

Finally, please make Du’a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed for the translator brother Abu Talhah, and for the reviewer, brother Adam Qurashi. Remember this is not a perfect translation so forgive us our faults and correct our errors. Muslim Students’ Association University of Alberta Edmonton, Canada February, 1999

Taken from : Al-Haramain.org Newsletter

The rights of the husband and the wife

The rights of the husband and the wife
…………………………………………..  ……….
Islam has enjoined upon the husband duties towards his wife, and vice versa, and among these duties are some which are shared by both husband and wife.

We will mention – by the help of Allaah – some of the texts of the Qur’aan and Sunnah which have to do with the duties of the spouses towards one another, quoting also from the commentaries and views of the scholars.

Firstly:

The rights of the wife which are hers alone:

The wife has financial rights over her husband, which are the mahr (dowry), spending and accommodation.

And she has non-financial rights, such as fair division between co-wives, being treated in a decent and reasonable manner, and not being treated in a harmful way by her husband.

1.Financial rights

(a) The mahr (dowry). This is the money to which the wife is entitled from her husband when the marriage contract is completed or when the marriage is consummated. It is a right which the man is obliged to pay to the woman.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart” [al-Nisaa’ 4:4]

The prescription of the mahr demonstrates the seriousness and importance of the marriage-contract, and is a token of respect and honour to the woman.

The mahr is not a condition or essential part of the marriage-contract, according to the majority of fuqahaa’; rather it is one of the consequences of the contract. If the marriage-contract is done without any mention of the mahr, it is still valid, according to the consensus of the majority, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“There is no sin on you, if you divorce women while yet you have not touched (had sexual relation with) them, nor appointed unto them their Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage)”

[al-Baqarah 2:236]

The fact that divorce is permitted before consummation of the marriage or before stipulating the mahr indicates that it is permissible not to stipulate the mahr in the marriage-contract.

If the mahr is stipulated, it becomes obligatory upon the husband; if it is not stipulated, then he must give the mahr that is given to women of similar status to his wife.

(b) Spending. The scholars of Islam are agreed that it is obligatory for husbands to spend on their wives, on the condition that the wife make herself available to her husband. If she refuses him or rebels, then she is not entitled to that spending.

The reason why it is obligatory to spend on her is that the woman is available only to her husband, because of the marriage contract, and she is not allowed to leave the marital home except with his permission. So he has to spend on her and provide for her, and this is in return for her making herself available to him for his pleasure.

What is meant by spending is providing what the wife needs of food and accommodation. She has the right to these things even if she is rich, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis”
[al-Baqarah 2:233]

“Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allaah has given him” [al-Talaaq 65:7]

From the Sunnah:

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Hind bint ‘Utbah – the wife of Abu Sufyaan – who had complained that he did not spend on her: “Take what is sufficient for you and your children, on a reasonable basis.”

It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: “Hind bint ‘Utbah, the wife of Abu Sufyaan, entered upon the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, Abu Sufyaan is a stingy man who does not spend enough on me and my children, except for what I take from his wealth without his knowledge. Is there any sin on me for doing that?’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘Take from his wealth on a reasonable basis, only what is sufficient for you and your children.’”
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5049; Muslim, 1714)

It was narrated from Jaabir that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in his Farewell Sermon:

“Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner”
(Narrated by Muslim, 1218)

(c)Accommodation. This is also one of the wife’s rights, which means that her husband should prepare for her accommodation according to his means and ability.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Lodge them (the divorced women) where you dwell, according to your means” [al-Talaaq 65:6]
…………………………………………..  …….
2. Non-financial rights

(i) Fair treatment of co-wives. One of the rights that a wife has over her husband is that she and her co-wives should be treated equally, if the husband has other wives, with regard to nights spent with them, spending and clothing.

(ii) Kind treatment. The husband must have a good attitude towards his wife and be kind to her, and offer her everything that may soften her heart towards him, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“and live with them honourably” [al-Nisaa’ 4:19]

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable”
[al-Baqarah 2:228]

From the Sunnah:

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Be kind to women.’”(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3153; Muslim, 1468).

There follow examples of the kind treatment of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) towards his wives – for he is the best example:

1. It was narrated from Zaynab bint Abi Salamah that Umm Salamah said: “I got my menses when I was lying with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) under a single woollen sheet. I slipped away and put on the clothes I usually wore for menstruation. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)  said to me, ‘Have you got your menses?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ Then he called me and made me lie with him under the same sheet.”

She said: And she told me that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to kiss her when he was fasting, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and I used to do ghusl to cleanse ourselves from janaabah from one vessel.

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 316; Muslim, 296)

2.  It was narrated that ‘Urwah ibn al-Zubayr said: “ ‘Aa’ishah said: ‘By Allaah, I saw the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) standing at the door of my apartment when the Abyssinians were playing with their spears in the Mosque of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He covered me with his cloak so that I could watch their games, then he stood there for my sake until I was the one who had had enough. So you should appreciate the fact that young girls like to have fun.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 443; Muslim, 892)

3.  It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah the Mother of the Believers (may Allaah be pleased with her) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to pray sitting down; he would recite Qur’aan when he was sitting down, then when there were thirty or forty aayahs left, he would stand up and recite them standing up. Then he did rukoo’, then sujood; then he would do likewise in the second rak’ah. When he had finished his prayer, he would look, and if I was awake he would talk with me, and if I was asleep he would lie down.

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1068) 

(c)Not harming one’s wife. 

This is one of the basic principles of Islam. Because harming others is haraam in the case of strangers, it is even more so in the case of harming one’s wife.

It was narrated from ‘Ubaadah ibn al-Saamit that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) ruled, “There should be no harming nor reciprocating harm.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah,, 2340)

This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by Imaam Ahmad, al-Haakim, Ibn al-Salaah and others. See Khalaasat al-Badr al-Muneer, 2/438.

Among the things to which the Lawgiver drew attention in this matter is the prohibition of hitting or beating in a severe manner.

It was narrated from Jaabir that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in his Farewell Sermon:

“Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner”
(Narrated by Muslim, 1218)

…………………………………….
Secondly:

The husband’s rights over his wife.

The rights of the husband over his wife are among the greatest rights; indeed his rights over her are greater than her rights over him, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them
[al-Baqarah 2:228]

al-Jassaas said: Allaah tells us in this aayah that each of the spouses has rights over the other, and that the husband has one particular right over his wife which she does not have over him.

Ibn al-‘Arabi said: this text states that he has some preference over her with regard to rights and duties of marriage.

These rights include:

(a) The obligation of obedience. Allaah has made the man a qawwaam (protector and maintainer) of the woman by commanding, directing and taking care of her, just as guardians take care of their charges, by virtue of the physical and mental faculties that Allaah has given only to men and the financial obligations that He has enjoined upon them.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]

‘Ali ibn Abi Talhah said, narrating from Ibn ‘Abbaas: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women” means, they are in charge of them, i.e., she should obey him in matters of obedience that Allaah has enjoined upon her, and obey him by treating his family well and taking care of his wealth. This was the view of Muqaatil, al-Saddi and al-Dahhaak.
(Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/492)

(b) Making herself available to her husband. One of the rights that the husband has over his wife is that he should be able to enjoy her (physically). If he marries a woman and she is able to have intercourse, she is obliged to submit herself to him according to the contract, if he asks her. That is after he gives her the immediate mahr, and gives her some time – two or three days, if she asks for that – to sort herself out, because that is something that she needs, and because that is not too long and is customary.

If a wife refuses to respond to her husband’s request for intercourse, she has done something haraam and has committed a major sin, unless she has a valid shar’i excuse such as menses, obligatory fasting, sickness, etc.

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he went to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3065; Muslim, 1436)

(c) Not admitting anyone whom the husband dislikes. One of the rights that the husband has over his wife is that she should not permit anyone whom he dislikes to enter his house.

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is not permitted for a woman to fast when her husband is present without his permission, or to admit anyone into his house without his permission. And whatever she spends (in charity) of his wealth without his consent, ….”
(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4899; Muslim, 1026)

It was narrated from Sulaymaan ibn ‘Amr ibn al-Ahwas: my father told me that he was present at the Farewell Pilgrimage (Hujjat al-Wadaa’) with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He [the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)] praised and glorified Allaah, then he preached a sermon and said: “Treat women kindly, for they are prisoners and you have no other power over them than that, if they are guilty of open lewdness, then refuse to share their beds, and hit them, but not severely. But if they return to obedience, (then) do not seek means (of annoyance) against them. You have rights over your women and your women have rights over you. Your rights over your women are that they should not let anyone whom you dislike sit on your bed and they should not let anyone whom you dislike enter your house. Their rights over you are that you should feed and clothe them well.”
(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1163 – he said this is a saheeh hasan hadeeth. Also narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1851) 

It was narrated that Jaabir said: [the Prophet] (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner”
(Narrated by Muslim, 1218)

(d) Not going out of the house except with the husband’s permission. One of the rights of the husband over his wife is that she should not go out of the house except with his permission.

The Shaafa’is and Hanbalis said: she does not have the right to visit (even) her sick father except with the permission of her husband, and he has the right to prevent her from doing that… because obedience to the husband is obligatory, and it is not permitted to neglect an obligatory action for something that is not obligatory.

(e) Discipline. The husband has the right to discipline his wife if she disobeys him in something good, not if she disobeys him in something sinful, because Allaah has enjoined disciplining women by forsaking them in bed and by hitting them, when they do not obey.

The Hanafis mentioned four situations in which a husband is permitted to discipline his wife by hitting her. These are: not adorning herself when he wants her to; not responding when he calls her to bed and she is taahirah (pure, i.e., not menstruating); not praying; and going out of the house without his permission.

The evidence that it is permissible to discipline one’s wife includes the aayahs (interpretation of the meaning):

“As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful)”
[al-Nisaa’ 4:34]

“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones”
[al-Tahreem 66:6]

Ibn Katheer said:

Qutaadah said: you should command them to obey Allaah, and forbid them to disobey Allaah; you should be in charge of them in accordance with the command of Allaah, and instruct them to follow the commands of Allaah, and help them to do so. If you see any act of disobedience towards Allaah, then stop them from doing it and rebuke them for that.

This was also the view of al-Dahhaak and Muqaatil: that the duty of the Muslim is to teach his family, including his relatives and his slaves, that which Allaah has enjoined upon them and that which He has forbidden them. (Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 4/392) 

(f) The wife serving her husband. There is a great deal of evidence (daleel) for this, some of which has been mentioned above.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said:

She is obliged to serve her husband according to what is reasonable among people of similar standing. That varies according to circumstances: the way in which a Bedouin woman serves (her husband) will not be like the way of a town-dweller, and the way of a strong woman will not be like the way of a weak woman.
(al-Fataawa al-Kubraa, 4/561)

(g) Submitting herself to him. Once the conditions of the marriage-contract have been fulfilled and it is valid, then the woman is obliged to submit herself to her husband and allow him to enjoy her (physically), because once the contract is completed, he is allowed in return to enjoy her, and the wife is entitled to the compensation which is the mahr.

(h) The wife should treat her husband in a good manner, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable”
[al-Baqarah 2:228]

Al-Qurtubi said:

It was also narrated from him – i.e., Ibn ‘Abbaas – that this means: they have the right to good companionship and kind and reasonable treatment from their husbands just as they are obliged to obey the commands of their husbands.

And it was said that they have the right that their husbands should not harm them, and their husbands have a similar right over them. This was the view of al-Tabari.

Ibn Zayd said: You should fear Allaah concerning them just as they should fear Allaah concerning you.

The meanings are similar, and the aayah includes all of that in the rights and duties of marriage.
(Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 3/123-124) 

And Allaah knows best.

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid