The Hendricks reveal the blocks to intimacy and happiness in human relationships. They expose problems as opportunities to explore our own blind spots. I have read this book several times over the last few years and give these methods complete credit for the joyous, fulfilling relationship I have had for the last three years. The book shows you how to be honest, take responsibility for yourself, and explore the core perceptions that sabotage your happiness. I have recommended this book to friends more than any other book I have read. If you want to get past your cycles of blame and pain, this is the book for you.
A useful podcast on the above book including the author:
Website link to find out more:
“If fear is dominant in the relationship you became afraid and so does your partner which stops them looking like a friend, but rather more like an enemy”
Saarah Aal Kasraan read to her husband Hamad ibn `Ateeq the entirety of Soorat Al-Baqarah from her memory on the first night of their marriage. (`Ulamaa Najd by Al-Bassaam)
Ibn ‘Uthaymin: If the woman does not marry in this life, Allah will marry her off in paradise to the one she finds delight in.
(Arkan-ul-Islam, p. 116)
Most arguments occur not because two people disagree but because either the man feels that the woman disapproves of his point of view or the woman disapproves of the way he is talking to her. She often may disapprove of him because he is not validating her point of view or speaking to her in a caring way. When men and women learn to approve and validate, they don’t have to argue. They can discuss and negotiate differences
Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus
The most common way women unknowingly start arguments is by not being direct when they share their feelings. Instead of directly expressing her dislike or disappointment, a woman asks rhetorical questions and unknowingly (or knowingly) communicates a message of disapproval. Even though sometimes this is not the message she wants to give it is generally what a man will hear.
For example, when a man is late, a woman may feel “I don’t like waiting for you when you are late” or “I was worried that something had happened to you”. When he arrives, instead of directly sharing her feelings she asks rhetorical question like “How could you be so late?” Or “What am I supposed to think when you’re so late?” Or “Why didn’t you call”
Certainly asking someone “Why didn’t you call?” Is OK if you are sincerely looking for a valid reason. But when a woman is upset the tone of her voice often reveals that she is not looking for a valid answer but is making the point that there is no acceptable reason for being late.
When a man hears a question like “How could you be so late?” Or “Why didn’t you call?” he does not hear her feelings but instead hears her disapproval. He feels attacked and becomes defensive. She has no idea how painful her disapproval is to him.
Just as women need validation, men need approval. The more a man loves a woman the more he needs her approval. It is always there in the beginning of a relationship. Either she gives him the message that she approves of him or he feels confident that he can win her approval.
Men are from mars, Women are from Venus
The Taylor-Johnson temperament analysis
Myers Briggs personality inventory