The following article is a summary of the book “How to Make Your Husband Happy” by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.
1. Beautiful Reception
After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you,
- Begin with a good greeting.
- Meet him with a cheerful face
- Beautify and perfume yourself
- Start with good news and delay any bad news until he has rested
- Receive him with loving and yearning sentences
- Make hard efforts for excellence of the food & having it ready on time.
2. Beautify and Soften the Voice
For your husband only, it shouldn’t be used in front of non-mahram men (men who can marry you if you were unmarried)
3. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification
- Take good care of your body and fitness.
- Put on nice and attractive clothes and perfumes.
- Bathe regularly and, after the monthly period, remove any blood traces or bad smells.
- Avoid that your husband observes you in dirty clothes or rough shape
- Avoid prohibited types of ornamentation, e.g. tatoos
- Use the types of perfumes, colors, and clothes that the husband likes
- Change hair style, perfumes, etc. from time to time However with these things you should avoid excessiveness and, of course only act as such in front of mahrem men and women.
- Hasten for intercourse when your husband feels compulsion for it.
- Keep your body clean and smelling good as possible including cleaning yourself of released fluids during intercourse.
- Exchange loving phrases with your husband.
- Leave your husband to fully satisfy his desire.
- Choose suitable times and good occasions for exciting your husband and encouraging him to do intercourse, e.g. after returning from a travel, weekends, etc.
5. Satisfaction With What Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aalaa) Has Allotted
- You shouldn’t be depressed because your husband is poor or works in a simple job
- You should look at poor, sick, and handicapped people and remember Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aalaa) for all that was given to you.
- You should remember that real wealth lies in faith and piety.
6. Indifference to Worldly Things
- You should not consider this world as your hope and interest.
- You should not ask your husband for many unnecessary things.
- Asceticism does not mean not to enjoy what is good and permissible (Halal), but it means that one should look forward to the Hereafter and utilize whatever Allah SWT gave them to achieve paradise (Al-Jannah).
- Encourage your husband to reduce expenses and save some money in order to give charity and feed poor and needy people.
- By the saying of the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam), the majority of people in Hell were women because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them.
- The result of being grateful is that your husband will love you more and will do his best to please you in more ways
- The result of being ungrateful is that your husband will be disappointed and will start asking himself: “Why should I do good to her, if she never appreciates?”
8. Devotion and Loyalty
- In particular in times of calamities in your husband’s body or business e.g. an accident or a bankruptcy
- Supporting him through your own work, money, and properties if needed.
9. Compliance to Him
- In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited (Haram)
- In Islam, the husband is the leader of the family, and the wife is his support and consultant.
10. Pleasing Him If He Is Angry
First off, try to avoid what will guarantee his anger. But if it happens that you can’t, then try to appease him as follows:
- If you were mistaken, then apologize
- If he was mistaken then:
Keep still instead of arguing or
Yield you right or
Wait until he is no longer angry and discuss the matter peacefully with him.
- If he was angry because of external reasons then:
Keep silent until his anger goes
Find excuses for him, e.g. tired, problems at work, someone insulted him
- Do not ask many questions and insist on knowing what happened e.g.
1) You should tell me what happened!
2) I must know what made you so angry!
3) You are hiding something, and I have the right to know!
11. Guardianship While He is Absent
- Protect yourself from any prohibited relations
- Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things that the husbands don’t like other people to know.
- Take care of the house and children.
- Take care of his money and properties
- Do not go out of your house without his permission and put on full hijaab
- Refuse people whom he does not like to come over
- Do not allow any non-mahram man to be alone with you in any place
- Be good with his parents and relatives in his absence
12. Showing Respect for his Family and Friends
- You should welcome his guests and try to please them, especially his parents.
- You should avoid problems as much as you can with his relatives.
- You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose between his mother and his wife
- Show good hospitality for his guests by arranging a nice place for them to sit in, perfection of food, welcoming their wives, etc.
- Encourage him to visit his relatives and invite them to your home
- Phone his parents and sisters, send letters to them, buy gifts for them, support them in calamities, etc…
13. Admirable Jealousy
- Jealousy is a sign for wife’s love for her husband but it should be kept within the limits of Islam, e.g. not insulting or backbiting others disrespecting them, etc…
- You should not follow or create unfounded doubts.
14. Patience and Emotional Support
- Be patient when you face poverty and strained circumstances.
- When you face calamities and disasters that may happen to you, your husband, his and your children, relatives or properties, e.g. diseases, accidents, death, etc.
- When facing hardships in Da’wah (imprisonment, getting fired, arrested etc.
- Be patient and encourage him to keep on the path of Allah and remind him of Paradise.
- When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment.
15. Support in Obedience to Allah, Da’wah and Jihad
- Cooperate with your husband and remind him of different obligatory and voluntary worships.
- Encourage him to pray at night.
- Listen and reciting the Qur’aan individually and with your husband.
- Listen to Islamic tapes and songs individually and with your husband.
- Remember Allah subhaanahu wa ta’aalaa, much, particularly after Fajr and before Maghrib.
- Share in arranging Da’wah activities for women and children.
- Learn Islamic rules (ahkaam) and good manners (‘adab) for women.
- Support your husband’s activities by encouraging him, offering wise opinions, soothing his pains, etc.
- Yielding some of your rights and a part of your time with your husband for Da’wah
- Encourage him to go for Jihad when needed and remind him that you and children will be in the preservation of Allah, subhaanahu wa ta’aalaa.
16. Good Housekeeping
- Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged
- Change house arrangements from time to time to avoid boredom
- Perfect food (preparation) and prepare healthy foods
- Learn all the necessary skills for managing the house, e.g. sewing
- Learn how to raise children properly and in an Islamic way.
17. Preservation of Finances and the Family
- Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission unless you are sure that he agrees on this.
- Protect his house, car, etc. while he is absent.
- Keep the children in good shape, clean clothes, etc. Take care of their nutrition, health, education, manners, etc. Teach them Islam and tell them the stories of the Prophets and companions.
Finally, please make Du’a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed for the translator brother Abu Talhah, and for the reviewer, brother Adam Qurashi. Remember this is not a perfect translation so forgive us our faults and correct our errors. Muslim Students’ Association University of Alberta Edmonton, Canada February, 1999
Taken from : Al-Haramain.org Newsletter