Looking for a candidate who is from Jannah

 Looking for a candidate who is from Jannah

When you think of your future spouse, what is the most important
quality you will be looking for?

For most Muslims, they always look for someone who is more
religious than they are. Why? Because they want them to help them
get into Al-Jannah Inshallah, which is something very normal and so

     But in reality, if everyone is looking for someone who is higher
than they are in terms of religion and spirituality, this individual will
also be looking to someone who is higher than you.
     So if you are already looking for someone who is more religious
than you are, at a higher level of spirituality, what do you expect this
person to be looking for?
     They will definitely be looking for someone who is higher than
they are. And that person will look to someone who is higher, and
higher, and higher. Eventually, they will never meet anywhere.
     You have to compromise. And you have to be realistic with
your choices. So if you are looking for someone who is at that
level of spirituality and religion, you need to be at that same level
as well.

Because you need to realize, are you attractive to the
person you want to attract yourself? Meaning, would you marry you?

     That person are they gonna be attracted to you as much as you are
attracted to them?
     Which leads to the next issue of brothers being so picky especially
when it comes to external features such as beauty, certain body shapes
and so on.
     I know a brother who rejected an absolutely beautiful sister
(looks and character) just because she was a little less than an inch
taller than him. Or we have brothers that their standard of beauty
is so high that the only place you will find these women is in a place
called Jannah.
     Come on now! I’m not saying compromise on beauty but be realistic.
     Remember that a lot of times her character will exemplify her beauty, it
will make it stronger and more attarctive.
     Also always remember that a sister that has the looks but no character
nor religion will turn ugly as your relationship of marriage continues.

So try to be balanced in your search and if you see a sister that you
are attracted to but she is not drop dead gorgeous and her religion is
good, go for it and you won’t be disappointed inshallah.

4. Our final mistake is failing to communicate with your parents
about your marriage

This can come in two forms:

1) Not knowing how to communicate completely with your parents.
You don’t know how to talk to them about marriage

2) Delegating everything to your parents because you don’t even know
how to handle the subject of marriage.

On one occasion, a young man came and complained that his
parents are not cooperating with him and they are not really
listening to what he says about his marriage.

So he wanted to have some sort of endorsement to let
him just go through, without the approval of his parents.

     So I asked him how he was communicating with his parents.
     And what kind of talking that goes around with him and his parents.
     Eventually I realized that he was unable to communicate the subject
of marriage in the proper way with his parents. I gave him a few tips and
few techniques on how to communicate with your mom, versus to
communicate with your dad.
     And after some time he gave me a call and says Alhamdulillah it worked
out very well. The point is, he was unable to communicate to his parents the
way his parents would understand the communication level.
     He was trying to enforce his opinions on his parents without making
them feel comfortable, understanding what exactly he is trying to aim to
in his pursuit for marriage. When it comes to families, parents come from
different backgrounds and each background and culture has a different
way to communicate. Some of them are conservatives, some are moderate,
and some of them are liberal.
     We will go into complete details in an upcoming program but
here are a couple key tips:

a) Never try to enforce something on to your parents.  Don’t
bring a girl that you have already been communicating with for 2
years or generally speaking you know the girls your parents will like
and dislike.

     b) Always try to keep an open relationship with them about these
matters.  Sometimes its hard but try.  Tell your mom to help you find a
suitable wife and be part of the process.
     c) Know the trigger points of your mom and dad.  Each of them
has different hot buttons and soft buttons.  So learn and master them.

So guys, try to keep your parents always involved.  It will save you
time, effort and headaches in the end.

Wasalamu aliakum

Atiq Nakrawala & Yaser Birjas

PRACTIMATE, 17304 Maurice Avenue, Cerritos, CA 90703, USA

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