Umar (radi Allahu ‘anhu) said to a man who was thinking of divorcing his wife

Umar (radi Allahu ‘anhu) said to a man who was thinking of divorcing his wife:

“Why do you want to divorce her?” He said, “I do not love her.” ‘Umar said,

“Must every house be built on love? What about loyalty and appreciation?”

(Al-Bayan wa at-Tabayeen, 2/101]

http://questforparadise.wordpress.com/2012/05/31/love-loyalty-appreciation/

Nurturing Eeman in Children


Dr Aisha Hamdan
A plethora of parenting books on the market these days covers every aspect of dealing with your children. From the terrible twos to the troublesome teens, you will have no problem finding multitudes of books claiming to point you in the right direction when it comes to raising your children.

Whether you’re aiming to raise a baby Einstein, or just looking for some hints on how to handle an unruly tyke or teen, you will no doubt find plenty of advice.

Nurturing Eeman in Children, however, addresses an aspect of child-rearing that is vitally important, and is not touched upon in the mainstream selections that we are so familiar with. In her book, Dr. Hamdan clearly and in no uncertain terms explains the importance of instilling in our children a strong connection to their Creator and a love for the religion that He has chosen for us and them. From this book, you will learn the what, why, and the how of raising a righteous and faithul Muslim child.

http://ahlalhadeeth.wordpress.com/2012/05/30/nurturing-eeman-in-children/

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what are a wife’s rights on her husband according the Quran and Sunnah? or what are a husbands duties to his wife and viceversa?

what are a wife’s rights on her husband according the Quran and Sunnah? or what are a husbands duties to his wife and viceversa?

Praise be to Allaah.

Islam has enjoined upon the husband duties towards his wife, and vice versa, and among these duties are some which are shared by both husband and wife.

We will mention – by the help of Allaah – some of the texts of the Qur’aan and Sunnah which have to do with the duties of the spouses towards one another, quoting also from the commentaries and views of the scholars.

Firstly:

The rights of the wife which are hers alone:

The wife has financial rights over her husband, which are the mahr (dowry), spending and accommodation.

And she has non-financial rights, such as fair division between co-wives, being treated in a decent and reasonable manner, and not being treated in a harmful way by her husband.

1.     Financial rights

(a)   The mahr (dowry). This is the money to which the wife is entitled from her husband when the marriage contract is completed or when the marriage is consummated. It is a right which the man is obliged to pay to the woman. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart” [al-Nisaa’ 4:4]

The prescription of the mahr demonstrates the seriousness and importance of the marriage-contract, and is a token of respect and honour to the woman.

The mahr is not a condition or essential part of the marriage-contract, according to the majority of fuqahaa’; rather it is one of the consequences of the contract. If the marriage-contract is done without any mention of the mahr, it is still valid, according to the consensus of the majority, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“There is no sin on you, if you divorce women while yet you have not touched (had sexual relation with) them, nor appointed unto them their Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage)” [al-Baqarah 2:236]

The fact that divorce is permitted before consummation of the marriage or before stipulating the mahr indicates that it is permissible not to stipulate the mahr in the marriage-contract.

If the mahr is stipulated, it becomes obligatory upon the husband; if it is not stipulated, then he must give the mahr that is given to women of similar status to his wife.

(b) Spending. The scholars of Islam are agreed that it is obligatory for husbands to spend on their wives, on the condition that the wife make herself available to her husband. If she refuses him or rebels, then she is not entitled to that spending.

The reason why it is obligatory to spend on her is that the woman is available only to her husband, because of the marriage contract, and she is not allowed to leave the marital home except with his permission. So he has to spend on her and provide for her, and this is in return for her making herself available to him for his pleasure.

What is meant by spending is providing what the wife needs of food and accommodation. She has the right to these things even if she is rich, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis” [al-Baqarah 2:233]

“Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allaah has given him” [al-Talaaq 65:7]

From the Sunnah:

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Hind bint ‘Utbah – the wife of Abu Sufyaan – who had complained that he did not spend on her: “Take what is sufficient for you and your children, on a reasonable basis.”

It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: “Hind bint ‘Utbah, the wife of Abu Sufyaan, entered upon the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, Abu Sufyaan is a stingy man who does not spend enough on me and my children, except for what I take from his wealth without his knowledge. Is there any sin on me for doing that?’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘Take from his wealth on a reasonable basis, only what is sufficient for you and your children.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5049; Muslim, 1714)

It was narrated from Jaabir that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in his Farewell Sermon:

“Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner” (Narrated by Muslim, 1218)

 (c)  Accommodation. This is also one of the wife’s rights, which means that her husband should prepare for her accommodation according to his means and ability. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Lodge them (the divorced women) where you dwell, according to your means” [al-Talaaq 65:6]

 2.     Non-financial rights

(i)                Fair treatment of co-wives. One of the rights that a wife has over her husband is that she and her co-wives should be treated equally, if the husband has other wives, with regard to nights spent with them, spending and clothing.

(ii)              Kind treatment. The husband must have a good attitude towards his wife and be kind to her, and offer her everything that may soften her heart towards him, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“and live with them honourably” [al-Nisaa’ 4:19]

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable” [al-Baqarah 2:228]

From the Sunnah:

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Be kind to women.’”(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3153; Muslim, 1468).

There follow examples of the kind treatment of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) towards his wives – for he is the best example:

1. It was narrated from Zaynab bint Abi Salamah that Umm Salamah said: “I got my menses when I was lying with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) under a single woollen sheet. I slipped away and put on the clothes I usually wore for menstruation. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)  said to me, ‘Have you got your menses?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ Then he called me and made me lie with him under the same sheet.”

She said: And she told me that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to kiss her when he was fasting, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and I used to do ghusl to cleanse ourselves from janaabah from one vessel.(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 316; Muslim, 296)

2.  It was narrated that ‘Urwah ibn al-Zubayr said: “ ‘Aa’ishah said: ‘By Allaah, I saw the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) standing at the door of my apartment when the Abyssinians were playing with their spears in the Mosque of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He covered me with his cloak so that I could watch their games, then he stood there for my sake until I was the one who had had enough. So you should appreciate the fact that young girls like to have fun.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 443; Muslim, 892)

3.  It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah the Mother of the Believers (may Allaah be pleased with her) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to pray sitting down; he would recite Qur’aan when he was sitting down, then when there were thirty or forty aayahs left, he would stand up and recite them standing up. Then he did rukoo’, then sujood; then he would do likewise in the second rak’ah. When he had finished his prayer, he would look, and if I was awake he would talk with me, and if I was asleep he would lie down.

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1068)

(c)  Not harming one’s wife.

This is one of the basic principles of Islam. Because harming others is haraam in the case of strangers, it is even more so in the case of harming one’s wife.

It was narrated from ‘Ubaadah ibn al-Saamit that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) ruled, “There should be no harming nor reciprocating harm.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah,, 2340)

This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by Imaam Ahmad, al-Haakim, Ibn al-Salaah and others. See Khalaasat al-Badr al-Muneer, 2/438.

Among the things to which the Lawgiver drew attention in this matter is the prohibition of hitting or beating in a severe manner.

It was narrated from Jaabir that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in his Farewell Sermon:

“Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner” (Narrated by Muslim, 1218)

 Secondly:

The husband’s rights over his wife.

The rights of the husband over his wife are among the greatest rights; indeed his rights over her are greater than her rights over him, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them [al-Baqarah 2:228]

al-Jassaas said: Allaah tells us in this aayah that each of the spouses has rights over the other, and that the husband has one particular right over his wife which she does not have over him.

Ibn al-‘Arabi said: this text states that he has some preference over her with regard to rights and duties of marriage.

These rights include:

(a)     The obligation of obedience. Allaah has made the man a qawwaam (protector and maintainer) of the woman by commanding, directing and taking care of her, just as guardians take care of their charges, by virtue of the physical and mental faculties that Allaah has given only to men and the financial obligations that He has enjoined upon them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]

‘Ali ibn Abi Talhah said, narrating from Ibn ‘Abbaas: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women” means, they are in charge of them, i.e., she should obey him in matters of obedience that Allaah has enjoined upon her, and obey him by treating his family well and taking care of his wealth. This was the view of Muqaatil, al-Saddi and al-Dahhaak.(Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/492)

(b)    Making herself available to her husband. One of the rights that the husband has over his wife is that he should be able to enjoy her (physically). If he marries a woman and she is able to have intercourse, she is obliged to submit herself to him according to the contract, if he asks her. That is after he gives her the immediate mahr, and gives her some time – two or three days, if she asks for that – to sort herself out, because that is something that she needs, and because that is not too long and is customary.

If a wife refuses to respond to her husband’s request for intercourse, she has done something haraam and has committed a major sin, unless she has a valid shar’i excuse such as menses, obligatory fasting, sickness, etc.

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he went to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3065; Muslim, 1436)

(c)     Not admitting anyone whom the husband dislikes. One of the rights that the husband has over his wife is that she should not permit anyone whom he dislikes to enter his house.

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is not permitted for a woman to fast when her husband is present without his permission, or to admit anyone into his house without his permission. And whatever she spends (in charity) of his wealth without his consent, ….” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4899; Muslim, 1026)

It was narrated from Sulaymaan ibn ‘Amr ibn al-Ahwas: my father told me that he was present at the Farewell Pilgrimage (Hujjat al-Wadaa’) with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He [the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)] praised and glorified Allaah, then he preached a sermon and said: “Treat women kindly, for they are prisoners and you have no other power over them than that, if they are guilty of open lewdness, then refuse to share their beds, and hit them, but not severely. But if they return to obedience, (then) do not seek means (of annoyance) against them. You have rights over your women and your women have rights over you. Your rights over your women are that they should not let anyone whom you dislike sit on your bed and they should not let anyone whom you dislike enter your house. Their rights over you are that you should feed and clothe them well.”

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1163 – he said this is a saheeh hasan hadeeth. Also narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1851)

It was narrated that Jaabir said: [the Prophet] (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner” (Narrated by Muslim, 1218)

 (d)    Not going out of the house except with the husband’s permission. One of the rights of the husband over his wife is that she should not go out of the house except with his permission.

The Shaafa’is and Hanbalis said: she does not have the right to visit (even) her sick father except with the permission of her husband, and he has the right to prevent her from doing that… because obedience to the husband is obligatory, and it is not permitted to neglect an obligatory action for something that is not obligatory.

(e)     Discipline. The husband has the right to discipline his wife if she disobeys him in something good, not if she disobeys him in something sinful, because Allaah has enjoined disciplining women by forsaking them in bed and by hitting them, when they do not obey.

The Hanafis mentioned four situations in which a husband is permitted to discipline his wife by hitting her. These are: not adorning herself when he wants her to; not responding when he calls her to bed and she is taahirah (pure, i.e., not menstruating); not praying; and going out of the house without his permission.

The evidence that it is permissible to discipline one’s wife includes the aayahs (interpretation of the meaning):

“As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful)” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]

“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones” [al-Tahreem 66:6]

Ibn Katheer said:

Qutaadah said: you should command them to obey Allaah, and forbid them to disobey Allaah; you should be in charge of them in accordance with the command of Allaah, and instruct them to follow the commands of Allaah, and help them to do so. If you see any act of disobedience towards Allaah, then stop them from doing it and rebuke them for that.

This was also the view of al-Dahhaak and Muqaatil: that the duty of the Muslim is to teach his family, including his relatives and his slaves, that which Allaah has enjoined upon them and that which He has forbidden them. (Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 4/392)

(f)      The wife serving her husband. There is a great deal of evidence (daleel) for this, some of which has been mentioned above.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said:

 She is obliged to serve her husband according to what is reasonable among people of similar standing. That varies according to circumstances: the way in which a Bedouin woman serves (her husband) will not be like the way of a town-dweller, and the way of a strong woman will not be like the way of a weak woman. (al-Fataawa al-Kubraa, 4/561)

(g)     Submitting herself to him. Once the conditions of the marriage-contract have been fulfilled and it is valid, then the woman is obliged to submit herself to her husband and allow him to enjoy her (physically), because once the contract is completed, he is allowed in return to enjoy her, and the wife is entitled to the compensation which is the mahr.

(h)     The wife should treat her husband in a good manner, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable” [al-Baqarah 2:228]

Al-Qurtubi said:

It was also narrated from him – i.e., Ibn ‘Abbaas – that this means: they have the right to good companionship and kind and reasonable treatment from their husbands just as they are obliged to obey the commands of their husbands.

And it was said that they have the right that their husbands should not harm them, and their husbands have a similar right over them. This was the view of al-Tabari.

Ibn Zayd said: You should fear Allaah concerning them just as they should fear Allaah concerning you.

The meanings are similar, and the aayah includes all of that in the rights and duties of marriage.(Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 3/123-124)

And Allaah knows best.

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

Islamic Perspective on Spouses Holding Hands in Public

<QUESTION>

I was wondering, what is the Islamic perspective on spouses holding each other’s hands in public?

<ANSWER>

In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
There are three scenarios to your question:

1) If the spouses publicly hold hands in a manner that is intimate and expresses affection and sexual intimacy to the point that it draws people’s attention towards them, then this would not be allowed.

Islam is a religion of shame and modesty. It teaches its followers to live a life that is modest and dignified. It also prohibits them from engaging in any action that would lead to an immoral atmosphere.

Allah Most High says:

“Come not near to shameful deeds, whether open or secret.” (Surah al-An’am, V: 151)

Islam considers modesty part of faith, a fact which is stressed in several Hadiths. For example:

Sayyiduna Abd Allah ibn Umar (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) passed by a man of Ansar who was admonishing his brother regarding modesty (haya). The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “Leave him, for modesty is (part) of Faith.” (Sahih al-Bukhari & Sahih Muslim)

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) was also a practical example of modesty and bashfulness.

Sayyiduna Abu Sa’id al-Khudri (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) was more modest than the virgin behind the curtain (or in her apartment), and when he disliked anything, we recognised that from his face.” (Sahih al-Bukhari & Sahih Muslim)

2) The second situation is where the spouses hold hands due to need and necessity (without expressing any intimacy or affection), such as when crossing a busy road or when in a crowded area (like when performing Hajj), so as not to become separated from each other.

The ruling for publicly holding hands in such situations is that this would be permissible (rather necessary at times), for Islam is a religion of mercy and takes people’s needs into consideration.

3) The third situation is in between the above two, in that there is no real need for the spouses to hold hands neither do they express any intimacy or affection whilst holding hands in public. They merely hold hands in a casual and non-provocative manner.

In my humble opinion, the ruling on publicly holding hands in such a manner would depend on the local customs and norms (urf), and on the area and environment one resides in. A particular act may be considered modest in certain areas, whilst it may not be the case in other conservative societies. And as we know that local customs and traditions also have a role in determining the outcome of a particular ruling.

Allamah ibn Abidin (Allah have mercy on him) states in his Majmu’a al-Rasa’il:

“Local customs and habits (urf) is considered in (determining the laws of) Shariah, hence at times rulings will be based on them.” (See: Ibn Abidin, Nashr al-Urf fi bina ba’d al-ahkam ala al-urf, P. 115)

Therefore, if one resides in a society where holding hands in public is considered offensive and immodest, then it would be wrong and blameworthy for the spouses to publicly hold hands. However, in some areas, this is not considered to be offensive, thus holding hands would be permitted in such areas. But this, as mentioned earlier, is in the case where hands are held casually and not in a manner that expresses intimacy or affection.

And Allah knows best

[Mufti] Muhammad ibn Adam
Darul Iftaa
Leicester , UK

Brief Advice for New Muslim Couples – Sh. Alaa

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

1. The Boat Theory : you both are now in the same boat in this ocean called ‘life’. And there’s no smooth sailing in this ocean (life). That’ll be in Jannah inshaa’Allah. Even Prophet salalahu ‘alayhi wasalam had challenges in marital life. You have to work it together. You mustn’t compete with each other; rather you must complete each other.

 

2. The Castle Theory: when you venture out and leave your family to live with a complete stranger, things change. How many kings can there be in a castle? (this is for sisters)

 

3. The String Theory: life is like a very fine thread which is easily breakable. You hold it from one end and she holds the other end. If she pulls, you must let go lest the thread ‘breaks’. Who’s the strong man after all? The one who controls anger.

 

4. The Computer Theory: when a person who knows nothing about computers, is given one, he gets frustrated and would want to return it back because he has no idea how to use it or make it function. But when the same person is taught about computers, he wouldn’t be able to live without it. Such is the case of an individual with his spouse. Since he (or she) hasn’t been exposed to the opposite gender in this manner before marriage inshaa’Allah then he/she must educate himself/herself about the basics to be able to reach a level that they are able not live without them!

– OUC, May 2012

http://urwatulwuthqa.wordpress.com/2012/05/22/advice-for-muslim-couples-sh-alaa/

50 Things You Need to Know About Marital Relationships

Taken from: 50 Things You Need to Know About Marital Relationships

Great relationships don’t just happen; they are created. You have to work at it.

If your job takes all of your best energy, your marriage will suffer.

One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is your own happiness.

It is possible to love and hate someone at the same time.

When you complain about your spouse to your friends, remember that their feedback can be distorted.

The only rules in your marriage are those you both choose to agree with.

It is not conflict that destroys marriage; it is the cold, smoldering resentment that you hold for a long time.

It’s not what you’ve got, it’s what you do with what you have.

If you think you are too good for your spouse, think again.

Growing up in a happy household doesn’t ensure a happy marriage, or vice versa.

It’s never too late to repair damaged trust.

The real issue is usually not the one you are arguing about.

Love isn’t just a feeling; it is expressed through our actions.

Expectations set us up for disappointment and resentment.

Arguments cannot be avoided, but destructive arguments can be avoided.

One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is focused attention.

Even people with happy marriages sometimes worry that they married the wrong person.

Your spouse cannot rescue you from unhappiness, but they can help you rescue yourself.

The cost of a lie is far greater than any advantage you gain from speaking it.

Your opinion is not necessarily the truth.

Trust takes years to establish and moments to destroy.

Guilt-tripping won’t get you what you really want.

Don’t neglect your friends.

If you think, “You are not the person I married,” you are probably right.

Resisting the temptation to prove your point will win you a lot of points.

Generosity of spirit is the foundation of a good marriage.

If your spouse is being defensive, you might be giving them reasons to be like that.

Marriage isn’t 50/50; it’s 100/100.

You can pay now or pay later, but the later you pay, the more interest and penalties you acquire.

Marriage requires sacrifice, but your benefits outweigh your costs.

Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event; it’s a continous process.

Accepting the challenges of marriage will shape you into a better person.

Creating a marriage is like launching a rocket: once it clears the pull of gravity, it takes much less energy to sustain the flight.

A successful marriage has more to do with how you deal with your current reality than with what you’ve experienced in the past.

Don’t keep feelings of gratitude to yourself.

There is no greater eloquence than the silence of real listening.

One of the greatest questions to ask your spouse is “How best can I love you?”

Marriage can stay fresh over time.

Assumptions are fine as long as you check them before acting upon them.

Intention may not be the only thing, but it is the most important thing.

Good sex won’t make your marriage, but it’ll help.

Privacy won’t hurt your marriage, but secrecy will.

Possessiveness and jealousy are born out of fear, not love.

Authenticity is contagious and habit-forming.

If your spouse thinks something is important, then it is.

Marriage never outgrows the need for romance.

The sparkle of a new relationship is always temporary.

There is violence in silence when it’s used as a weapon.

It’s better to focus on what you can do to make things right, then what your partner did to make things wrong.

If you think marriage counseling is too expensive, try divorce.